After
leaving my community in the Darien, it took some time to adjust to life on the
other side of the country. A few months ago I went back to Nuevo Vigía for a despedida (goodbye party) to spend one
last day there and say goodbye to everyone. I didn’t write much about it
because the whole experience was pretty overwhelming, and I had other things to
worry about, such as figuring out a new job while trying to move on mentally. But I wanted to try and at least share a little bit about what that day was like.
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| Preparing the meal for 100+ people |
The day of
my despedida was Saturday, May 17 and
so I made the 13 hour trek out to the Darien to get ready. In Metetí I bought 60 pounds of
chicken for the party along with about 20 pounds of vegetables and a piñata
full of candy. Florentino and I loaded it all into a canoe and went upriver to Vigía.
That morning Fulgencio and I walked around in the rain inviting people to the
gathering and found volunteers to cook for the meal. The school donated 50
pounds of rice for the occasion.
A big group of people showed up at the common
house to prepare arroz con pollo,
which is the typical Panamanian party food – basically rice cooked together with
chopped chicken, veggies, and orange coloring. The food filled up three huge
pots. As soon as word spread that there was a piñata (which took about 30 seconds)
masses of children showed up from every direction. While the food was cooking I
had a projector borrowed from the school set up to play a movie I had made of
photos and video clips around town during my time there. They loved seeing
themselves on the screen and I was asked to play it over again about five
times. I had just as much fun watching their faces as they did watching the
movie.
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| Yasmilet and Estela helping cook arroz con pollo |
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| Watching a movie about my experiences in Nuevo Vigía |
This is the video I showed to everyone.
Before we ate I stood in front of everyone and said a little speech that I had written out beforehand. I figured reading it would be easier since I’d be less emotional. The speech was a mix of Spanish and Emberá, but I tried to translate it as best I could here:
Thank you for letting me share my last day with you here in Vigía. I would like to say a few words as a goodbye to everyone. Two years ago I came here as a stranger, an outsider in a town I had never seen before. Now I’m leaving as a member of the community, the Emberá Torro (White Guy) with lots of friends. You all made me feel like part of the family. We spent two years together talking, laughing, sweating, and eating, and made a great friendship. When outsiders would ask me what the people of Vigía are like, I would say that they are really good people, very friendly, they treat me well, they help me with anything, and welcome me into their homes and lives.
I believe that working together is one of the best ways to get to know people and make friends. What we did with the water committee was a great job. They are a group of very hard working people and they learned so much about the water system and community health. I’m really proud of what this group and the water technicians have achieved. Especially Fulgencio, who participated in the leadership seminar with me in Coclé and has grown as a leader. Also Alberto who took the responsibility of supporting and animating the group. Enilda, even though she always has so many obligations with the family and at the school, was always available to work. Rubén learned to use all the technology of the system and even went to Lajas Blancas to give technical training to the water committee there. It makes me happy to see your desire to work voluntarily to improve the community.
The time I spent in Vigía was full of good experiences. I have many memories: visiting in your houses; the food you gifted me – venison, paca meat, wild boar, iguana, plantains, fish, everything; learning Emberá from my mom, Estela; playing basketball to win that soda; working in the fields; running with the dogs chasing deer with Ubaldino and Fidel; planting rice with Fulgencio; catching shrimp in the river; talking about the Bible with Leonurcio; cutting palm leaves with Tonio; building my house with Linito and Lilio; playing with the kids in the river; carrying blocks and cement from Peñita with Sindulfo and Rubén; practicing Frisbee with the young ones; drinking borojo juice at Pacifico’s; and so many more. I’m going to bring the stories of all these memories with me wherever I go. I’m very thankful for everything you’ve done for me and I will miss you very much. Thank you all for your generosity, care, and friendship. I carry you in my heart and I will never forget you.
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| Setting up the piñata for the kids |
After that
a few others stood up to say some words including one of the teachers, Rubén,
and Alberto. When the arroz con pollo
was ready everyone ran to get their bowls and spoons from home and lined up in
front of the pots. The piñata was strung up and kids took turns swinging at it
until the explosion of candy sent them all diving for the floor to collect it.
Later I was
talking with Joel and he gave me his basketball jersey with “Club Emberá”
printed on it as a gift, which I was really happy with. So I put it on and went
to the basketball court to play some pickup with a group of kids and women who
showed up. They yelled at me to go easy on them and stop dunking the ball (hey I
was just playing). After jumping in the river I went to Linito’s house to say
goodbye and give him a nice hunting knife I bought in Panama City as a thank
you for all his help over the years. He was always there for me, from bringing
me to Vigía for the first time when I was in training, to supporting my first
community meetings, to helping building my house, to teaching me Emberá better
than anyone else. He made my time there so much better and I just wish I could’ve
repaid him somehow.
The entire
day I had kept my composure without getting too overwhelmed with the fact that
I was leaving. Then later in the afternoon I made one last visit to my house to
grab a few things I had left behind. As I walked up the dirt path and saw my
house it suddenly sank in that this was the last time I would see this place. A
place where I had spent all this time, learned so many things, overcome all
these challenges, made so many friends, and had countless memories that will
stay with me forever. I brushed away tears from my face as I climbed my ladder
for the last time. The empty house had sort of a cold feeling as it was no
longer a place of comfort and security. The feeling was one of homelessness, of
not belonging anymore. I grabbed a bag of Frisbees and the solar lights to give
to Enilda.
Before
heading down to Fulgencio’s to gather my things, I needed to pasear with the hill people one more
time. While walking past the tienda I
saw Mauricio and said goodbye to him. His handicapped son was taking a bath in
a wheelbarrow full of rainwater with the help of his older sister. I went over
to see him, and as always as soon as he saw me he smiled his big crooked smile
and started laughing. That made his sister laugh too as she splashed water on
him, and despite the circumstances I couldn’t help laughing too. I stopped by
Filadelfia’s house, and she told me to have faith in Jesus and that God willing
we would see each other in heaven some day. The thought made me feel a peace
inside. José invited me into his house and I said my farewells to him and his
family. And so I walked back down the hill for the last time.
When people
talk about living in a foreign country there is a lot said about culture shock
upon entry and how difficult it is to adjust to a different culture, climate,
language, food, and way of living. But not much is said about how hard it is to
leave once you have adjusted. In my experience leaving was much harder than adjusting
to life there ever was (which was not easy either). At the time all of this was
very hard to accept and process. Now that I’ve had time to reflect and move on,
I can see how this was all part of God’s plan, and see the good that came out
of this. I continue learning that to trust in God includes trusting in the difficult,
confusing times when I feel like His ways are not making sense.
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| Los trabajadores: Rubén, Enilda, Alberto, and Fulgencio |
I was
really grateful to at least be able to go back and take the time to say goodbye
to people I had invested so much into. While it definitely didn’t make up for
the three months I lost in Vigía or heal the pain of having it all taken away,
it helped me feel a little more peace about the situation. I will never forget
the part of my life that was experienced in Nuevo Vigía and I thank God for all
the love and joy I received there.
