That Was Life in Panama

I'm looking out the window and seeing something that before I only had a faint memory of - snow... Apparently I am no longer in the tropics. Actually I've been returned from Panama and my trip through Central America and Mexico for about a month now, visiting family and friends around the midwest. The travels were quite the adventure. Amber (fellow former volunteer) and I went by land from Panama to Costa Rica, Nicaragua, El Salvador, Honduras, Guatemala, Belize, and Mexico over about two and a half months (not enough time). Some of the highlights of the whirlwind tour were: climbing an active volcano, swimming with sea turtles and sharks, milking cows to make cheese, cliff jumping, a 6-day jungle hike exploring Mayan ruins, scuba diving in a cave, and learning some Mexican slang. The best part of the journey was meeting so many interesting people on the way, both travelers from all over the world and friendly locals.

Here's a video of the trip, si te interesa: Una Travesía en Centroamerica

Volcán Concepción: Amber and I with Neftalí, a Nicaraguan guide, one of many friends made on our travels

It has been a huge blessing to be able to finally spend time with family and friends around here. I've had some quality time with siblings, nieces, and nephew. And of course my mom and dad. The homecoming has been a welcome time of rest and recharge. Many people have asked me how I am adjusting to life in the States now. Besides trying to get used to the cold weather and the food, the truth is I'm not really adjusting yet. At this point it still feels sort of like I'm visiting, similar to the last couple times I've come back to the States. What's hard to explain is that while life in Panama sounds sort of bizarre, it became my normal. It became home to me. Now the concept of "home" is sort of complicated. Coming back to Michigan, I'm in a familiar place with some familiar people, but at the same time I feel out of place. It's not just a matter of resuming life as usual. There is no usual anymore.

A lot of people ask me, "Hey, how was Panama?" I can't really answer that question. I want to say, "How long do you have?" But I usually just say, "Oh, it was good, real good." It can be a little frustrating that I have so many stories to share, but most people don't have the time to hear them. Not that I blame them, it's hard to be really interested in something you weren't a part of and maybe can't relate to. But it's difficult to express the ways I've changed to those I've been out of touch with.

To end this blog it seems like I should give some kind of summary of my experience as a Peace Corps Volunteer in Panama. But I realized that is just not gonna happen. I can't exactly put into words anything that would do my experiences of the past three years justice.  What I can say is that it forever changed the person I am and how I see the world. To live with and become friends with people in another part of the world is a powerful experience. It shows you that your way of life isn't normal, it's just how you happen to do it. It shows you a different way of thinking and interacting.

One thing does stand out in light of the current issues with international conflicts and refugees. I now have a much better understanding of what it is like to be a foreigner, and not just a visiting one on a vacation. I haven't had to suffer nearly as much as some, but I know how it feels to be in an unfamiliar and sometimes unwelcoming environment, far away from friends and family. I know the struggles of losing your ability to communicate and being stared at everywhere you go. So I'd like to say I can empathize a little better with those who have either chosen or been forced to leave their homes and go to strange and foreign places. It requires a great deal of strength and courage.

I am going to miss life in Panama. My experience seems to be defined by countless small moments, seemingly insignificant at the time, which all together make a beautiful picture. I will miss sitting on the bamboo floor in Linito's house sharing fried plantains, talking about life. I will miss hearing kids' laughter as they jump off my shoulders into the flowing water of the Tuqueza River. I will miss walking into Miromel's house unannounced and being offered some sugar cane or borojo juice. I will miss the look in Rubén's eyes when he realizes he has learned something new today. I will miss Enrique's big, crooked smile as he shakes my hand after a hard day's work. There are so many moments that shaped my version of life in Panama. From the beauty of a mountain sunrise, to the sense of awe walking through deep jungle, to the peacefulness of waves washing over dark sand, the natural world in this tiny country amazed me. The resilience of indigenous people who, even under oppression and lack of opportunity, do their best to provide for their families and neighbors was an unexpected encouragement. I will always appreciate the warm hospitality of Panamanians, willing to open up their homes and their lives to a complete stranger, who soon became a friend.

Before I went to Panama over three years ago, I had a lot of doubts about what I was doing. Everything was completely unknown. But the simple act of stepping out in faith, through the uncertainty, was incredibly rewarding. I've had a unique opportunity that I realize most people won't have. And for that I am very grateful. For anyone who is uncertain about a new opportunity, one that seems uncomfortable or unsafe, I would encourage you to take that step. You won't regret it.

Choosing an Adventure

Sometimes I look at my life experiences as one of those Choose Your Own Adventure books for kids (are those still around?), where you would get to choose from different options at certain points in the story, and see how it changed the outcome. Well it looks like I'm on a new chapter now. Or maybe even a different book.


I am no longer a Peace Corps Volunteer. Yep, just like that it's all over. On August 6th I finished all my exit paperwork, signed a paper summarizing everything I did in the past three years, said goodbye to all the Peace Corps staff, and walked out of the office in Panama City for the last time. After finishing I made the trip to the Darien for final farewells to my Embera family in Nuevo Vigia. Everyone asked me if I was leaving forever this time. I told them I had no idea when, but some day I would love to come back and visit. And I meant it. Saying goodbye gets tiring after a while. I've been doing it with so many people over the last few months. So many people that I may never see again. At some point it became sort of emotionless, simply because I didn't want to do it anymore.


But the next adventure is already underway. Last week Amber and I crossed the Panamanian border into Costa Rica - the first leg of our Central America journey. We're travelling by land, and planning to visit every country from here to Mexico. This is my way of taking advantage of being jobless and homeless for the time being. The fun part is while we have an itinerary, changes are made at any point - deciding to stay somewhere on the way that looks interesting, or meeting people that give suggestions on where to go and what to see.


The past week was spent exploring Caribbean coastal towns in Costa Rica,  and visiting nature and animal preserves. In Tortuguero, a beach town far from any roads, we ventured out to the beach at night and watched a green sea turtle lay her eggs in the sand. During the day spider monkeys swung from the trees and watched us curiously as we walked around. Now I'm in San Jose, staying at a friend's apartment.


Next stop... Nicaragua.

Telling Stories for a Change

A few days ago I rode my bike to the store to get some groceries. While I was there I grabbed a copy of Mi Diario, a daily Panamanian newspaper. I read through the usual stories –complaints of roads in disrepair, homicides, water shortages caused by deforestation, various protests and road blocks, corruption and embezzlement, the latest Miley Cyrus scandal… There didn’t seem to be any good news (I guess the media isn’t usually interested in that). One of the articles was about the AIDS epidemic and how it’s spreading here in the Comarca Ngabe-Buglé. The story said that the disease has been growing among the indigenous population due to a lack of knowledge and awareness of HIV/AIDS, and that people as young as 14 years old have been contracting the disease. Even though the author had some decidedly racist undertones in the article, it shed some light on an important issue. People are contracting HIV without realizing it due to a lack of education on the topic. In general Panama has one of the highest rates of HIV prevalence in Latin America, with almost 1% of adults infected. The numbers of course don’t include all those who live in hard to reach places that haven’t been tested.

The spread of AIDS isn’t the only problem facing rural Panamanians. Simply maintaining normal health and hygiene can be a challenge. Understanding how diseases are transmitted is half the battle. I’ve written before about how the essence of our work here is not just transferring knowledge about diseases, but empowering people to actually make a change in their habits. When that knowledge is connected and applied to everyday life, we can see positive behavior change. One way to make these connections that I’ve seen work very well over the past few years working in Panama is storytelling. That's the good news.

Often in seminars with Peace Corps Volunteers we do these short skits called socio dramas to promote an idea. They usually involve acting out as different characters such as goofy water committee presidents, loud-mouth meeting attendees, crazy old grandmas, or animals. Besides the fact that these dramas are pretty entertaining for the participants (it’s not often they get to see a group of gringos make fools of themselves), they really help connect the audience to the idea we’re trying to get across. That idea could be that hand washing saves lives, that drinking clean water will help your kids grow up strong, or that it’s important to protect yourself from HIV. The stories are situations people can relate to and therefore imagine dealing with it in their own lives. If it’s a good story, there will be an emotional connection that triggers some sort of response – the behavior change.

From this grew an idea. Amber, my accomplice in many health seminars and projects, decided to use her background in theatre and apply storytelling to promote health in rural Panama. It wasn’t hard for her to convince me to come on board. Often those with the most potential to be change makers in their communities are the youth, since they don’t yet have the hardened habits developed over a lifetime. Amber designed a theatre camp to train youth to become health promoters in their own communities. The idea was to develop different short plays for groups to perform that promoted some kind of health topic. The themes included water treatment, hand washing, and HIV prevention. All the students had vacation from school that week, and Volunteers brought groups of 4 or 5 kids 12-18 years old from their communities all over the country. They traveled (some for several days!) to the town of Alto Caballero in the Comarca Ngabe-Buglé. Over the span of four days they prepared to perform these pre-scripted stories and did a show on the last day for locals of Alto Caballero. As we were planning in the weeks leading up to the camp, we didn’t really know how it would turn out. Nobody had ever done anything like this in Panama before. We were in for a pleasant surprise.

Since most environmental health volunteers have more engineering background than theatre experience, those of us helping out with the camp needed some training beforehand. Help was solicited from two theatre people from the States, an actress and a director. They came and gave us a crash course on acting, directing, and stage managing for performances, and then helped out during the camp. To be honest, acting is not my forte.  I don’t enjoy being the center of attention. Luckily the past few years I’ve had plenty of experience with looking ridiculous in front of people, nonverbal communication, and navigating awkward situations. So that helped. In the end the engineers were transformed into theatre people.

When we finally started the camp, I was matched up to be the director for the group of indigenous kids from the Darién. I was excited because I could relate to them, having lived a similar lifestyle for my first two years in Panama. Their script was about how to purify drinking water. Sounds boring, right? Not when Rambo is involved! The play is about a kid who gets attacked by an evil intestinal worm villain, but Rambo saves the day with different kinds of water treatment methods. I worked with them to develop their characters, memorize their lines, make costumes and props, and figure out scene changes.

Throughout the camp we had group sessions to practice acting, speaking clearly, and just play fun and active games. One of the biggest challenges was to get kids to overcome the fear of performing in front of people without getting embarrassed. We had a short skit where the “shame monster” came and discouraged a girl from running for student council. But the supportive words of a friend made the monster shrivel up and disappear. All the participants were asked to write down all the mean or discouraging things they are told by voices in their head (aka their shame monster) when they try to do something new or intimidating. Then we put all the papers in an envelope and sealed them away. They wouldn’t have to worry about getting embarrassed or being made fun of at this camp.

On the last day of camp came the final performance with all the plays. We set up a stage in the outdoor area of the school and put out a few dozen chairs for the audience. Giant pots of rice and chicken were cooked up to invite people to enjoy a free meal before show. As the sun went down, the kids prepared all their costumes and props, the excitement building. In the darkness the stage was illuminated with Christmas lights strung from the ceiling. The principal of the school let us borrow a sound system with a microphone, and I emceed the show. There were a bunch of additional performances between the plays including singing, dancing, and reciting poetry. We started out with Fidel, a little guy with a big voice, who sang “Quiero Ser Aventurero.” All the plays had great energy, and our actors did an excellent job portraying the scenes. It was a night and day difference from where they started at the beginning of the week. The audience continued to grow throughout the show, until there was a crowd outside the school blocking the street. At the end of the performances everyone in the camp, including the Volunteers, did a song and choreographed dance. The song was the very popular “Bailando” by Enrique Iglesias but the lyrics were changed to be about hand washing. As is Panamanian custom, a few people had to give little speeches at the end for thanks and conclusion. One older gentleman from the audience came up and said the show was fantastic, and that we could’ve charged lots of money for tickets if we did it in Panama City. He called it an experience that both the kids and the audience would never forget, and said that the information about water, hygiene, and HIV was very important for their community. He thanked Peace Corps for sharing with them and congratulated the kids. We couldn’t have made a better conclusion ourselves. After that we turned on the music and had a mass dance party to celebrate a job well done.

In the end the camp was a big success. It was a very rewarding week seeing the youth learn and feel accomplished after working hard at something. Fidel, the one who sang the opening song, told me after the show, “I wasn’t listening to my shame monster because otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to get up and sing in front of everybody.” Another participant said it was the best vacation he’d ever had. The best part was seeing how much they enjoyed it once they gained confidence, after not being so sure about things at the beginning of the week. They were also able to meet and make friends with other kids from different cultures and backgrounds, and have a once in a lifetime experience. Now they realize that they can be health promoters in their communities, raising awareness for important health issues. All this just by telling some stories.

La Ciudad de Panamá

After nearly three years in Panama now, I've come a long way by adapting to my surroundings. The trend has been that things which bothered me at first become normal and even like-able. For example I used to be frustrated at how Panamanians talk - a) rapidly, b) words and syllables are blended together, c) certain letters are not pronounced in words, etc. A typical phrase is written, "echar para adelante" but actually said, "echapa'lante." The word "pescado" is pronounced "pesca'o." To translate, "Vamos para allá" into Panamanian you would say, "vamo'pa'lla." And if you actually enunciate these words and phrases people will often have trouble understanding you, since they're not used to it. But for better or worse, I've adopted the accent. I find it endearing, and slur words together without thinking about it. It's the kind of thing that gives Panama character.

Another example is how my perspective on Panama City has changed. I used to hate going to the city. Coming from the campo (rural areas) it was always a huge shock to see skyscrapers, malls, noisy traffic, crowds of busy people, bright lights and loud music. I remember the first time going there after a few months in the Darien, I thought I was gonna have a nervous breakdown. As a Peace Corps Volunteer, it can be both relieving and stressful to be in the city. On the one hand you get the comforts of a real bed, running water, electricity, and grocery stores; on the other hand you are missing out on time and work in your community and having to deal with all the hassles of urban life. But over time I've had to spend more time in the city (mostly for medical reasons), and I've gotten to know the place better. Now there are certain areas I enjoy visiting like the parks, which can be a relief from the crowds and shopping centers. On weeknights I can play pickup basketball or volleyball at the ocean-side courts which are lit up until 11 at night - Panamanians only show up to play after the sun goes down (way too hot otherwise). Sometimes I visit artisan markets in Casco Antiguo to chat with Embera and Kuna people selling their art.

Panama, what looks like a miniature Miami, is a quickly developing city. It has changed dramatically even just in the time I've been here. I've seen the public transportation system go from diablo rojos (run down American school buses with unique paint jobs) to air conditioned metro buses with electronic card readers. Last year they opened the first metro railway in Central America, an impressive project that helps avoid the traffic. Skyscrapers continue to rise up while the canal is expanded to allow even larger cargo ships from all over the world to travel from the Atlantic to the Pacific.

I found this great view from the top of a hill in the Parque Natural Metropolitano, a rainforest reserve on the outskirts of the city. The photo shows how the skyscrapers have grown up in this small area on the edge of the Pacific Ocean, while the jungle looms just outside hoping to reclaim the land. It's interesting to think only a few hundred years ago the area was nearly impenetrable jungle, and that explorers risked their lives to find a route to the coast. This is La Ciudad de Panamá.

So one day I'm in the city and have a list of things to get: a haircut, some vegetables, and a new hammock (it gets a lot of use). So I go to the place I know I can get all of these things: Cinco de Mayo. This is a part of the city that is very different from the fancy shopping malls and high rise apartments. It hasn't been remodeled recently. The brick paved main drag is lined with old department stores with metal bars over their doors, street vendors, and dingy restaurants selling fried food. It's late afternoon and as usual the street is full of crowds of people chatting and shopping around. It's very busy and yet I get the vibe that nobody is in a hurry to be anywhere. Loud reggaeton music blasts out of speakers in the storefronts and vendors yell to advertise their products.

First I go to a barber shop, which is really just a few chairs on the side of the road with some muchachos waiting with clippers and razors. I ask for a mango chupa'o (a mohawk) because this is what happens when you get bored in the city. They're surprised and amused that I speak like a Panamanian, and want a haircut de la moda. I talk with them while a guy shaves the shape of a star into the side of my head. Then we argue about the price and I finally hand him $3.

From there I try to find one of the artisan markets where they sell all sorts of artwork and handcrafts. But I can't remember where it is and I instead wander into a poor and run down neighborhood where residents live in dilapidated open-air apartments. A kid, 8 or 9 years old, stops me in the middle of the street and says, "¡No vaya por allí, te roban!" ("Don't go that way, you'll get robbed!") I stop walking and explain to him I'm looking to buy a hammock and ask if he knows where I could find one. He calls out to his friend, who emerges from the rubble of an old broken down building and they talk about where we could go. A little girl, a cousin of one of them, drops the rocks she was playing with and comes to tag along. So I'm walking down the street with José, Carlito, and Yiana leading the way, on a mission. A few people are staring at the procession of the big gringo with a group of not-so-well-kept kids. We finally find the market and I start to get the typical tourist treatment from the vendors, hoping to get some extra money out of me. Carlito yells at the vendor telling him not to rip me off, and that he should lower the price. This takes him off guard, and I laugh. After I get a good price on a hammock I walk back with the kids, talking with them about school and games they like to play. We stop at a convenience store and I buy them each a glass bottle of Coca Cola to thank them for their help.

Random encounters like this are always rewarding, just getting to know people and places. These experiences give me more of an appreciation for the culture and lifestyle in the city, even if it's not always my favorite place to be. I guess the moral of the story is that if you find yourself in a context that feels foreign and you're annoyed or perplexed by something, it could be you just haven't given it enough time to appreciate it.

Switching Between Two Worlds

I’m getting back into the swing of things here in Panama after my trip to the States last month. Back to sweaty bus rides, hammocks, Peace Corps family, wandering chickens, eating rice and plantains, and Panamanian friends. These two photos were taken only a couple of days apart. Needless to say it was an adjustment coming back again.

            

Michigan weather

            

Panama weather

My month in the States was fantastic! I travelled by plane, train, bus, and car to go and see as many people as I could. Spending time with family and friends was so much fun. I crashed at Nate and Emily’s and took some time to get to know my new nephew Arie. In Chicago we went to a concert downtown, to see the Lincoln Park Zoo lights, and to the Field Museum with Jon, Sarah, Avalene, and Cora. The girls were very excited about the dinosaur skeleton displays at the museum but assured me of our safety saying, “They were alive but not anymore, so they can’t eat us.” I also got to spend some time with Sarah and Andrew in Indiana, and tire myself out pushing Ellie on her lady bug car around the house.

Nice to meet you Arie. You're a very happy baby.

I had the priveledge of being Cora's special guest at the pre-school Christmas party

Ellie and Avalene get along pretty well

This was the first Christmas I’ve spent in Michigan in three years. While I was a little bummed about not having a white Christmas, celebrating with family did not disappoint. It was great to have everyone together again. I also had a chance to hang out with a lot of good friends and we did our best to catch up on life, but mostly just enjoyed being together like old times. It’s a real blessing to be able to come back to those friendships even after so much time apart, and still be close.

Avalene and Cora gave me some lovely artwork to bring back and decorate my room

I must say it’s kind of difficult adjusting between two different worlds, especially having spent a whole month away from “home.” Interesting how your association with that word changes when you are more nomadic than settled. Anyone who’s had to move to someplace different can probably relate to the feeling of confusion and uncertainty of losing your sense of home. My friend Tony gave me this book, The Art of Coming Home, which talks about readjustment after returning from living in a different country or culture for a number of years. Basically it says the idea of home isn’t just a place, it’s about familiarity of people and places and having routines. When you have normal everyday routines and predictable interactions there is a feeling of comfort, of being at home. Now it’s very different going for a visit than it is going back for long term. But the book mentions a lot of involuntary reactions that I can relate to about experiencing what used to be familiar. Even being back for a short time, I realized that I didn't have any routines there. Also people and places weren't quite as familiar; they've changed since I've been gone. Besides that, having gotten used to living in a Panamanian culture and adopting a lot of it, I am bothered by certain parts of the culture in the US. It’s not even the wealth or the wastefulness or the materialism. It’s more the social aspects like extreme individualism and lack of a sense of community. At the same time there are so many things I greatly appreciated about being back in the States. There is such great organization and positive work environments. The customer service was incredible. People have drive and strong ambitions. There is so much creativity with businesses and self expression, and opportunity to pursue a passion.

So have I become more patriotic living outside of the US? Yes and no. I am proud of what my country has been able to make of itself in a relatively short time, of the improvements in equality and anti-racism. I am incredibly fortunate to be able to live there and take advantage of so many opportunities that I most likely would never have living in other parts of the world. At the same time I’ve experienced a different perspective on life, a different way of thinking. Some of my values have changed. The changes aren’t necessarily good or bad. But I have the sense that having been exposed to a broader perspective I’m more open to trying new things and thinking creatively rather than just accepting what is viewed as normal. I think this is extremely important for interacting and developing relationships with people who are very different from me. As humans we tend to gravitate toward whoever looks like us, thinks like us, and acts like us. It’s always a healthy challenge to expand that comfort zone and accept that my normal isn’t everyone else’s normal.

All this to say that the mini readjustment was a little bit overwhelming. But my time in the States was overall an incredibly positive experience. It was a great reminder of all the ways God has blessed me with family and friends and opportunities.